Whats’s Wrong With Me , is What’s Right With Me.

IMG_0338.jpgI’m sorry I missed my Friday posting. I’ve tried adamantly to post a blog every Monday and Friday. Normally I have my blog post in queue.  This time I experienced writer’s block. If you’ve been following my blogs, you probably noticed. I’m sure you wondered what happened to me. There have been several things going on in my life for the past two weeks. It caused a little offset of my blogging schedule. It’s not anything serious. There were will not be too many times that I’ll miss my blog schedule, because I love to write. It’s always been one of my passions.

As we begin to approach today ( Father’s Day) I became indecisive about what I wanted to write about. My blog is mainly about tips on nearly anything that interest me, but my concentration  has been on weddings. I have not blogged too much on fashion and photography as much as I would’ve liked.

Today’s blog is different. Please consider it my belated Friday post. Today I have thoughts of my late daddy. He was the beat in my heart, my strength when things got tough and my joy when the world didn’t see my dreams as he did. You didn’t know this, but I lost my dad 4 years ago. I can’t believe I’m writing this, but I have been grieving since his death. Some days are better than others. Every Father’s Day I’d take him a card and buy him a gift. Buying gifts for him was tough, because he never wanted me to buy him anything. He’d always say, ” keep your money, I want to make sure you’re ok financially. ”  I earned a nice living as a business owner, but he still worried.  I’d sit with him for hours and laugh, eat and talk. The days I’d spend with him, he’d  tell me about life principles and his military stories. I would give my right arm to hear him talk about his military life today. I just wish I had recorded his voice.   One of the best gifts of all is I can actually hear his voice in my head. I thank God for that.

 

He may have been here today if the veterans hospital had taken better care of him. He complained religiously that his stomach hurt, but they insisted it wasn’t anything but high blood pressure. By which he didn’t have high blood pressure. I’m not really sure of the connection. What does stomach pain have to do with high blood, but then again, I’m not a physician. It doesn’t make any since to me.

By the time my family and I were able to convince my dad to seek another doctor outside of the VA hospital it was really too late. The other hospital administered myriad test. They found the problem almost instantly. The medical staff informed my mom, that my dad had gallbladder cancer. My mom kept it from me for as long as she could. She finally brought herself to tell me. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing on the receiving side of the phone. ” Your dad has cancer.” What? Not the man that is known for being called, Iron Man. His friends and family members called him, Sunny.  It was a childhood nickname, but his co- workers called him , Iron Man. They had so much respect for him. He would come to work no matter how he felt . My dad was always positive and he’d do any job that others would refuse to do. The owner of the company grew to love him and gave him more responsibilities, because he could count on him. Along with those responsibilities were perks that other employees didn’t get.

My dad always song around the house. He’d sing anything from old church hymns to old blues. Two of my dads favorite songs: I Believe In You, by Johnnie Taylor & I Will Trust   In The Lord, by, Unknown. It was probably an old artist back in the 50’s or 60’s. He sang many songs around the house while working on his cars in the garage or taking a shower, but these were the two he sang the most. I think he  secretly contributed, I Believe In You, to my mom, because the words were significant to their relationship. He was much older than my mother when they married. He was so good to my mother. If my parents would have some differences , he would call my mom, Honey, with emphasis. As a child I grew to know what that meant. I’d say to myself, ” Mommy and Daddy are fussing.” Their so- called fussing never got deeper than that.

My dad was my everything!  He was always telling jokes and kept me laughing. He taught me how to be an independent woman. He’d always tell me to check my car before I drove off in it. The things he would say:  “Check your tires, your fluids in your car. Listen for new sounds, and make sure you keep money for emergencies.” I listened. To this day those lessons has saved me. I had car issues recently and thought of my dad immediately. Guess what? I fixed my car.  He always showed his love by going over and beyond to take care of me. Dad wasn’t big on hugs. I thought it was so funny as I got older. I’d try to hug him and he’d give me this little soft ” Church pat.”  If you’ve been to church, you know the church pat on the back. It’s light and quick. LOL.

If I needed him for anything he was there for me. He’s been there through all of my failed marriages and business failures. He’d always say ,” that’s ok Peaches, try again .” My dad never judged me. He was not only a man of God, but a family man.  He wasn’t the type to criticize  and scold me with bible scriptures. No, he wasn’t that type of man of God. He’d always say, “treat others as you wish to be treated. ” He was a man of his word. If he told you , he’d be there, he would.

What I loved about my dad the most was his undying love for my mother. It taught me what real love looked like. Unfortunately  I haven’t found a man like him. He was such a giving man. He didn’t have a selfish bone in his body. It may be what’s wrong with me. I love hard, keep my word and I try to help everyone I care about. Sometimes I carry the burdens of being incapable of somethings and it makes me feel weak.  My entire life I’ve been told by others, ” You’re strong like your daddy.  Well, today I don’t feel so strong. My eyes are filled will tears and my heart is heavy.   Say hi to him for me – God.

Happy Father’s Day to all dad’s in heaven.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s